Deep Intimacy #05 ~ Masculine Consciousness

☕️ Reading time: 4 minutes

Where did all the love go…?

You know this story.

It starts off wonderful… passionate, affectionate, loving.

Then after a while something begins to change.

It’s gradual but distinct.

The affection disappears, the passion dries up, the sex stops.

And the relationship itself starts to feel kind of… dead on the inside.

He is distracted and his eyes wander
Social media. Porn. TV shows. That girl in the bikini at the beach.

Looking at other women becomes more interesting than looking at her.

Or perhaps he buries himself in his work, or time with the boys, or some other hobby.

Regardless of which, he isn’t here with her, with the relationship.

And even though it hurts her
She has come to tolerate it too
As her body, heart and sex close up.

What happened?


Welcome to Issue #05 of the Deep Intimacy Newsletter

In each of the Deep Intimacy newsletters we will be exploring one of the “Intimacy Keys”, which is our take on the Gene Keys / IChing… and there are 64 of them.

You don’t have to know or care about the Gene Keys or the IChing to follow along though.

The Intimacy Keys that we present are a set of widely applicable keys to understanding the secrets to intimacy… and what we share is our own learnings and explorations coming direct to you, without any need to check your birth time.

Each issue we will also be more focused on just one of the four pillars (Communication, Attachment, Polarity, Awakening) depending on what is relevant.

This issue we are looking at polarity (and awakening) through the lens of Intimacy Key 1: Consciousness

In this issue:

  • Pragmatic Explorations: Consciousness & Entropy
  • Mystical Musings: The Light of Awareness
  • The Secure Intimacy Membership revealed
Pragmatic Explorations by Damien

Consciousness & Entropy

The essence of the masculine is consciousness.

Consciousness as witness
That which perceives
And sees everything that is

Whereas the essence of the feminine is matter.

Everything that is
That which experiences
And dances with all that is

There is a beautiful analogy from quantum physics that describes this relationship between the essential masculine and feminine beautifully.

A quantum (a subatomic entity like a light photon or electron) exists in a dualistic state as either a wave or a particle.

When it is unobserved it exists in a kind of free state as a ‘wave’, or a mathematical potential.

Yet when it is observed it becomes a particle, becoming matter.

This is the nature of masculine and feminine in relationship.

(From here on I will use the pronouns “he” and “she” to refer to these two poles for the sake of this exploration, know that these pronouns in and of themselves are placeholders for what we all contain within us).

The masculine is consciousness, that which observes her dance of expression, and as she is observed she becomes some-thing… in an idealistic sense we could call that love-as-matter.

Within her she holds the potential of what love could be between them… the seeds of possibility.

And it is his focus on her, his attention given to her and her receptivity of his consciousness that provides the light for these seeds to bloom and grow into what they could be.

Creative potential becomes manifest.

Now when that attention, his consciousness, turns away for whatever reason the relationship potential starts to wither.

This is entropy.

Like the way our body rapidly begins to decay the moment our consciousness leaves it, so too does a relationship.

One of the major challenges of those seeking incredible relationships is to maintain a high degree of consciousness within the relationship.

At the start it’s easy… both partners are riding the high of “new relationship energy” and the hormonal cascades of chemical attraction.

But after some time, 6 months to 2 years, that begins to fade as the challenges emerge.

Insecure attachment patterns, value mismatches, differing needs and the inability to clearly articulate them, communication breakdowns, lack of polarity… fights and conflicts begin as this stuff needs to be worked out.

But if we don’t know how to meet and deal with these challenges, it’s predictable that consciousness will begin to dim.

He is frustrated by the way he never seems to get it right.
She feels like he isn’t really invested in her and the relationship.

Whatever the underlying reasons… the relationship breaks down and enters into a process of decomposition.


The antidote to this process is twofold.

His consciousness, his attention, his awareness, his presence focuses back on the relationship, back on her.

She remembers that she is starving to feel him turned towards her.
That she wants his attention
That she craves it.


She must also be open to receive it.
Her openness draws him to her
Her openness IS her radiance to him.

The contraction in her body from all the little hurts, and all the resentments that she clings to… she has to open through all of it to receive him.

The distraction and checking out that he is feeling from all the little hurts, and all the resentments that he clings to… he has to bring his focus back to her through all of it.

Where consciousness focuses, light flows.
In order for light to flow, there must also be a space to receive it.

To have a higher order relationship, consciousness must be fully pouring itself into the relationship, without significant deviation.

This is his job.

AND the field must be open enough to receive it.

That is her job.

Mystical Musings by Katie

The Light Of Awareness

Yin and Yang, masculine and feminine, there are infinite alchemical manifestations made from varying degrees of these principles but their union will always give rise to the same thing…. life. 

One can not be without the other, or it ceases to be life, to me it’s more true to call them counterparts, rather than opposites as they are often described. 

In the creation of human life we have the egg, the o-void of no-thing and simultaneously the birth place of all things, she emanates a frequency that magnetises the sperm to her. She then opens to receive only the one she chooses and once seeded together they offer themselves to become something greater, the third. 

Creation doesn’t happen without consciousness, without yang, without him. It is consciousness that turns wave into particle, potential into form. 

This is the power of the masculine principle. 

The feminine can birth ideas, babies and even worlds but only through masculine seeding whether that is her own, an exalted expression, or a man or masculine presence. 

In this seeding, this holy sacrifice, the masculine offers his consciousness to the alchemical process of life by becoming the light structure through which it will emanate. 

It all rests upon his frame. 

In polarised relationship the masculine is the relational frame.

With his god-like power he gives structure to the quantum blueprint she carries so that she can then animate it with the holy love light that pours forth nourishing and filling the deepest parts of him and their field, and cascading out into the world, giving rise to the next greatest potential, the next expression of life possible for their union. 

The quality of his consciousness determines the quality of the creation, the relationship, just as the quality of her magnetism, openness, receptivity and discernment does. 

A generative relationship that is willing to be moved by love, fractals up into more through rebirth, through surrender to something greater.

A degenerative relationship that is directed by fear or self occupation fragments back and out into entropy. 

This relational alchemy when mastered is the path of sacred union, two bodied awakening.

When two beings embody the exalted expression of their essence, miracles can happen that cease to concern them as individuals as they can become conduits for something far greater.

In Love and Service,

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