You aren’t quite sure why you feel this way. On the surface things really are all O-K.
Buuut… there is an itch that things aren’t quite what they seem to be.
As this unsettled feeling builds, your mind goes into meaning-making mode creating stories and scenarios until one of them feels like it’s probably the true one.
The story now grows, getting detail and becomes more and more real until you become so certain that you know exactly what’s going on.
Eventually you confront them with the ‘truth’ of what you are sure is happening.
They are reactive and defensive A fight ensues Which is just more evidence that this is true At least that’s what you tell yourself and them
Eventually, well after the fight, when everything cools down enough You finally get to have a proper talk about it And yes, there was something happening… but it wasn’t what actually the thing that your fears told you it was.
Have you ever had this happen? Feeling something, making a story up about it, becoming so certain of it’s truth, and then finding out that you got it wrong.
In this issue we will be discussing awareness of the subtle field inside a relationship, and how that feeling-data can be corrupted, leading to more conflict, or more depth and connection... depending how we respond to this sense.
Welcome to Issue #03 of the Deep Intimacy Newsletter It is such a JOY to be sharing this work with you, THANK YOU for reading!
In this issue:
Pragmatic Explorations: Accusation or Curiosity
Mystical Musings: The Subtle Field
Guided Practice: Feeling the Field
Accusation or Curiosity
There is a subtle field that always exists. You might call it your aura, but that wouldn’t be quite adequate enough.
It’s composed of our electromagnetic, emotional, mental, karmic energies… and more.
When we come into close relationship with another human, our field intertwines with theirs… and we create the couple field.
Once a relationship has formed, you will be feeling each other, and communicating in this space, all the time.
However, developing the capacity to ‘hear’ this field accurately, is a process in and of itself.
So when your partner is experiencing things different than what you have come to expect, you will feel it.
You might feel it as anxiety, or just like something is off.
Annnnd human beings by default, dislike uncertainty.
Wanting to find certainty, your mind will naturally make up stories to account for this difference in feeling and/or behaviour.
Most of us due to our history and past hurts, unfortunately, will default to some form of worst-case scenario.
Certain in the story we have made to mitigate our uncertainty, we will inevitably confront them in some way or another - directly or indirectly.
Story creates suspicion and suspicion creates accusation.
Regardless of what the circumstance actually is, you can bet that accusation is a fast way into conflict… you may find the truth, but probably at a high cost with a lot of damage and emotional pain thrown in.
And the truth may not always be what you suspect.
How many times have you been in a fight, only to calm down after and realise that, for example, they were a bit withdrawn and distant due to stress and anxiety related to work, not infidelity?
Can you think of examples in your own life and relationships where you thought one thing was true, accused them of it, and found that you were actually wrong?
You see, for a relationship to thrive, it MUST be built on positive regard for each other.
And if you can’t trust them, and they are dishonest without truly working on it, it is appropriate to consider whether that is a correct relationship to be in.
Yet if you do want to be in relationship with them… every time you ‘hear’ the field wrong… every time you make up a story about what they are doing and accuse them of it… erosion is caused.
The antidote, and the fastest way to truth with the least harm, is curiosity.
Assume you don’t know, and create the space to find out. If they become defensive, get even more curious.
Curiosity, when it is pure, has no agenda other than to discover what is here.
This is not an attempt to prove yourself right, this is not a collation and presentation of evidence, this is not turning their words against them in order to make your point.
If you are genuinely curious, and you create the space for openness and truth in your relationship, you will always find a deeper truth.
Dishonesty and Suspicion are reciprocal to one another. They feed each other.
And if you want to break the cycles of dishonesty in your field, you must alleviate suspicion.
You do this with curiosity.
“Hey sweetheart, I’m noticing I feel anxious and like something is different but I’m not quite sure what it is. Is there anything you are noticing?”
Wait. If you are truly open, they will answer you.
The first thing they say might not be the full truth, but give it time and it will unfold.
Intimacy is the key to manifesting harmony in the world. It is through transparency that the illumination of all the elements and frequencies can synchronise and unite into one resonant field.
In an orchestra each instrument is an element that attunes to a greater coherent whole that can create a profound and deeply moving experience of oneness. If one instrument in an orchestra is out of tune the whole performance can be off.
Like music the subtle field (realm of energy and frequency) is not typically seen but deeply felt. Our subconscious beliefs, thoughts, patterns live here constantly interacting and exchanging with other energy in the field Eg. others thoughts, beliefs and patterns.
This is a field we generally explore alone if at all and is particularly unchartered landscape as a shared experience in relationship but is really the precursor for the physical, mental, emotional content that does arise in partnership.
This is the realm of the unconscious interplays, the doubts that lead to suspicion, subtle jabs or closures toward a partner, or the taboo attractions. They are faint they are unspoken but they are felt. This is where resentment builds, attachment wounds are activated, betrayals begin, dishonesty breeds and relationships begin their demise. What exists here left undiscovered directs your life.
There is a unique ability called coloured hearing (synesthesia) in which a person can see music as an internal experience or physically, this can be innate or developed. In the same way the subtle realm can become increasingly tangible, something we can learn to interpret with clarity that offers a profound portal to access harmony within relationships.
When we are committed to transparency, this ability develops in us, we begin to tidy this field up, bringing things from the dark into the light we find more often than not they tend to let go of us bringing deeper coherence and harmony within ourselves and in relationship.
We become more available to listen to people’s impressions and map it out as a joint venture which opens up a rich landscape of potential intimacy, vulnerability and presence to share with another.
As we develop we become increasingly aware of the objective reality, the shared reality. The truer truth, the divinity dancing within the music.